(no subject)

come august, i will have several options:

-stay in Charleston
-move to:

right now, Brooklyn is at the top of the list.
but three weeks ago, so was Cleveland.

(no subject)

i'm finally realizing i am not one of those people drawn to either coast or either of the "big" cities. most people's dreams are my nightmare.

i used to think that meant i was doing something wrong. that i should want to make it big or follow big dreams or become a city person. but it's just not in my nature. people assume because i have a big, exaggerated personality that, naturally, i want to be in film. or live in a big, bustling city.

but really, i am shy. i'm not a go-getter or an eager beaver.
i never want(ed) to be a big fish in a little pond or a little fish in a big pond.
what about medium fish in average ponds?

what about being an explorer?
why must i choose one place to "make it happen" and "become" something?

well, i don't have to.
so. sometime soon i am going to drive around america.
explore. learn. see. hear. feel. touch. find.
i am going to see the nooks and crannies of this country that most people ignore, and i'm going to see the big parts too. and everything in between.

and then, i will make an educated decision on where i want to become the best version of myself.

(no subject)

just a small word of advice:

don't be a dick to your friends just because you aren't getting what you want.
selfishness gets you nowhere.

(no subject)

i just woke up from a dream in which i actually gathered up the courage to audition for something.
then halfway through i realized i was trying to audition for something that was opening after i graduated so i had to give up.

then the rest of the dream i was running from/trying to find this horrible snake.

what does that mean?

(no subject)

i forgot how to do cuts, sorry.
this is a short segment in "wassup!" magazine, which i was unaware existed until yesterday.

who: Harry Izzard
age: 51
former occupation: can't remember
smells like: a dead fish in an old ladies pantyhose

Q: are you looking forward to the festivals this summer? (brandon, lakeview)
A: My ass i am...Them cops are always in my face when i am catching an eyeful off those broads laying on the grass. plenty of shit to eat and drink though.

Q: there is lots os free music to listen to in the city in the summer, do you have a favorite band or singer? (sandra, lincoln park)
A: that britney spears chick, now she's my type, if she was in town, i would slap my tamale in her pita bread all day she's as hot as my sack on a 100 degree day.

Q: hey man make love nor war man, stick to the man, want some weed? (graham, bucktown)
A: now we're's great, gimme that shit all day, like the time some dude from the blues gig gave me some wacky backy. ever seen me naked in Buckingham fountain with just my hat on, and a hot dog up my ass. shit them cops chased me all the way to Navy Pier.

Q: what's your favorite type of entertainment? (julie, logan square)
A: well...aside from holding in my dump for as long as i can and lighting my farts for quarters off them yuppies in the gold coast. i like to run into a wall in the mornings to wake me up.

greatest surprise laugh i've had in a while.
where is this man lighting his farts in my neighborhood?! i'm determined to find him.

(no subject)

My prof just said this on our last day of class and I liked it so much I need to write it down:

" I love our art form, our discipline, because you can never put a period on it.
You can spend your entire life studying it. The world is our homework. "

Out of context that might sound silly,
Buy to us it makes perfect sense.

(no subject)

i remember after the first time i ever saw High Fidelity, i felt like i too needed a top 5 list for everything. i don't think i ever got around to making them, but one that crosses my mind pretty often is top 5 albums of all time.

this is tough. real tough.
but because i feel like i secretly have a list lurking in the back of my brain, i want to write it down as it exists now. and see if it changes or how much. they are not in order, they are just five. i couldn't order them if i tried.

1. heartbreaker- ryan adams.
2. clarity- jimmy eat world.
3. kill the moonlight- spoon.
4. whole EP- pedro the lion.
5. menos el oso- minus the bear.

now, there are bands i love more and songs i love more and blahblahblah.

these are simply albums that meet these qualifications:
- i've never gotten tired of them
- i love every track on the album
- i get into a very specific mindset/mood when listening to them, a mindset/mood that comes ONLY from listening to the album. i can't explain that.
- they MEAN something to me and remind me of very specific times in my life.

of course there are other albums that meet those qualifications, they just don't seem as important as these. i'm not 100% sure spoon will stay on there forever, but it's got a good chance.

one day i'll make a top 10. and we'll see how things pan out.

(no subject)

so, i finally got around to watching the film version of Choke

and i have mixed feelings.
i really, really love this book. i've always claimed Survivor as my favorite Palahniuk novel but i will admit that i think Choke is better. Survivor just resonated with me in a different way. It is still my favorite.

aaanyway, i would not advise anyone to see this movie if they haven't read the book.
it's just an awkward jumble of main plot points from the book, without any characterization. i think i could go so far as to say the movie has an entirely different focus than the book. i mean, yeah, the same events take place. but you get no sense of WHO these people really are, or WHY any of this shit is happening, not to mention the point of this entire story is somewhat lost in the film. at least, the point i retained from the book.

AND i was punked SO bad the first time i read the book. SO bad.
and in the movie i thought... oh, it's happening that quickly? did people even really believe it? believe it enough to be punked? no. no, i don't think they did.

and i don't think i would feel the same way about these characters, specifically Victor, if i had only seen the movie. true, Palahniuk was my man for a while- i loved all of his characters, even the horrible, disgusting ones. did i say loved? i meant love. i love them. and i just didn't get enough of each from this film to feel anything about them, really.

it's kindof like they took a great book, and presented it as an indie film
while really, secretly trying to create a blockbuster comedy.

don't get me wrong. i still liked the movie. felt okay about. would watch again. whatever, you know what i'm saying.
i just always have a lot of issues with book-to-film. it never comes out right. though Fight Club was a masterpiece in the book-to-film world, for me. masterpiece, i'm telling you. i wish david fincher had signed on to do Choke. or the same screenwriter had taken the project on.

gah. i've been talking about this too long.
basically: the movie is great supplementary material for AFTER the book.